13 Things Nobody Tells You About Growing a Beard
So you can finally grow a nice, full beard. Things are getting a pretty serious, and you’re getting to know your beard. But there are things that come with owning a beard that you may not have been warned about. Some are only minor inconveniences, while others are daily struggles.
- It takes A LOT of patience
Even the fastest beard-growers have to wait quite a while to grow a full beard from scratch. For some people, it may take years. And it may not look great right away, so if you don’t have the patience to wait for the end product, don’t try to grow a beard. You’ll likely give up before you’re even close.
- You actually have to maintain it
Men without beards usually assume growing a beard is easy. I mean, you just… stop shaving. That should mean it’s easier than not having a beard, right? Wrong. Even after you’ve made it past the stage of having a scraggly, awkward beard, you still have to maintain it. That means trimming, cropping, brushing or combing it, and cleaning it. These tasks are what separate classy, manly beards from gross, homeless-looking beards.
- The itch can be terrible
You don’t know until you’ve actually experienced it. This phase alone is what separates the weak from the strong. You will want to shave the whole thing off so many times during this period. Just power through it. The payoff is worth it.
- Trimming your beard is terrifying
You’re never “done” growing your beard. Even when you finally get your beard to a good length, it keeps growing. You will have to trim it occasionally so it doesn’t get out of control. And the worst part about trimming your beard is that you can easily ruin it months of patience and precious work. There’s not much you can do then. But it’s a risk every bearded man must take.
- You absolutely have to use beard oil
Think of your beard as an investment. Something you’ve put time and hard work into. You should probably take care of it, right? The key to having a healthy beard is beard oil, which will not only moisturize your beard, making it smooth and healthy, but also your skin underneath. Even if you choose to use it very sparingly, you simply cannot ignore the benefits of using beard oil. It has real health benefits for your beard, and it makes your beard look, feel, and smell great.
- People will often ask if they can touch it. Some won’t even ask.
If you’re not ready to have your face touched constantly, don’t grow a beard. Men and women alike will ask the dreaded question: “Can I touch your beard?” You will usually say yes, because deep down you’re kind of flattered. But sometimes they won’t even ask, which is much more annoying.
- You will get a lot of food in your beard
It’s not just a funny stereotype. You’ll occasionally get food in there, or give a whole new meaning to “milk mustache.” So many foods will be forever guaranteed to soil your beautiful beard. Some of the worst include chicken wings, ribs, and s’mores, according to Thrillest.
- It might not be the same color as the rest of your hair
Your beard may be a mix of colors, and it may not match the hair on your head. In fact, it’s extremely common for men to have red bears, but not red hair. That’s just genetics. Nothing you can do about it. And your beard will turn gray before the rest of your hair.
- People will compare you to literally any celebrity with a beard
Get ready to be compared to Zach Galifianakis, Abraham Lincoln, Seth Rogen, and Ron Swanson. Seriously, you don’t have to bear any real resemblance to any of these men. If you have a beard, you will be compared to them.
- Just because you can grow one doesn’t always mean you should
Not all beards are majestic. Just because you can grow a pretty long beard doesn’t mean it looks good on you. Maybe it isn’t full enough, or maybe you just don’t look good with one. Don’t make the mistake that so many others have made. If you can’t rock a beard, cut your losses. Maybe it’s just not your time. Try again later. But don’t try to force it.
- Beard rash is a thing
And not just for you. If you’re getting cuddly with your significant other, your beard isn’t going to feel great rubbing all over her face. Especially if it’s dry and scratchy. Which is yet another reason to maintain your beard with a little bit of beard oil, so it’s soft to the touch.
- You’ll frequently get the urge to shave the whole thing off
Sometimes every day. Beards can be unbearable on their worst days, and slightly uncomfortable even on their best. Fighting the urge to shave the whole thing off is a big part of owning an epic beard. You know, suffer for fashion and all that. Plus, after getting used to having a nice, thick beard, you’ll probably think you look weird without one.
- You have to wash it more often than you think
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: wash your dang beard. It’s hair, so you should wash it about as often as you should wash the hair on your head, or about twice a week. Shampoo, conditioner, the whole deal.
Learning how to deal with all of these little struggles is a big part of what it takes to own a beard. But remember, you’re not the only person that has to suffer. Your fellow beard owners feel your pain. With great beards come great responsibility.